Life and Lists

Back-Up in the Homeschool

This week has been a week chock full of situations testing my patience and our reasons for what we do. Namely, homeschooling. I have asked "Why am I homeschooling?" Yes, it has been one of those. These days or weeks happen, and if you don't anticipate them, let me just warn you now. No matter how thought-through your decision, no matter how much effort you've exerted in choosing the perfect curriculum, no matter the time and effort spent on child-training.... no matter what regime you employ, there will be days that leave you questioning it all.

Now that's a bit of an exaggeration, since I wasn't exactly "questioning it all." However, feeling discouraged, being brought to tears, raising my voice, and being generally deflated certainly played their parts.

This is where the back-up comes in. The key in-the-background player must take his role in supporting the whole operation. In our home, dad isn't hands-on as far as homeschooling goes. He doesn't research material. He doesn't teach any of the lessons. He has left this responsibility in my hands, to make decisions with his input if I ask for it. If he sees me drowning, he tactfully questions how things are being handled. I can't imagine our homeschool lasting with any meaningful longevity if I didn't know he was behind it 100%. Even though he isn't actively involved in the teaching side, he is my support when it comes to accountability and authority. He is the "big guns" that I pull out when extra back up is required. Somehow when Dad is brought into the picture, everybody pulls up their socks and begins to take things seriously again.

For a season, he will be taking a more active role in keeping one of our students more accountable. This student knows that Dad will be checking the work at the end of the day. I don't expect this will have to last very long, perhaps only a couple of weeks. But we believe it's the right amount of pressure and accountability this one needs for now. Once we get back on track, Dad won't have to double check everything.

I have had a few conversations with different people about the dad's involvement in the homeschool. I know it works differently for every family, but the main things I would keep in mind:

You need your husband's full support:

The support he gives is encouragement and cheerleading when Mom is starting to second-guess things. When I'm making verbal threats about sending kids to school, his support is paramount. He brings good perspective. He is the voice of reason when emotions are flying high.

If my husband wasn't completely on board with homeschooling, I don't know if we would still be doing it. There are many obstacles and challenges to contend with, and if he was in this half-heartedly, he probably would have looked at me by now and said something like, "Why are you killing yourself over this?"   "Seriously, put them in school already."   "I don't know why you're doing this."  These are not phrases you want to hear when you're deep in the trenches needing someone to pull you up.

He is the one the children know will back up Mom 100 percent. If she gives him a bad report about something, he gets involved with the consequences or solution.

What his support isn't:

Having my husband's support in this journey of homeschooling doesn't mean that he shares the load when it comes to giving our kids an education. He works a full time job outside of the home. My full time job is in the home. I do not expect him to come home from a full day's work and do lessons with the children. I do not expect him to spend time researching and choosing curriculum. He has entrusted this to me. Would he have a conversation with me and discuss options? Definitely. However, honestly, because I have spend hours researching methods, curriculum, options, etc... and he has not, he isn't aware of what's all available. For me to put this expectation on him is unrealistic and kind of unfair.

Now as far as extra-curriculars are concerned: shop skills, woodworking, carpentry, mechanics.... will he be involved? Certainly. If we are parents, we are teachers. But when it comes to the 3 Rs, that's Mom's arena for now.

What I Understand As a Homeschool Grad Myself

I can appreciate my Mom's famous words as I was growing up better now that I am homeschooling msyelf. I heard them a few time. "This is the toughest thing I've ever done, but I wouldn't trade it for anything."

Truly the thought of sending my kids away for the day, every day, makes me so sad. Perhaps it's not the homeschooling that makes some days so tough. Perhaps it's the challenge of being together ALL THE TIME. Although, I'm trying to think to myself that normal families who go to school also experience relationship challenges within the home.. right?  :) We are just forced to work things out quickly, otherwise spend a very bad day together.

Being together literally ALL THE TIME can feel claustrophobic at times, but I'm trusting the Lord with this. I'm praying my children grow up to become adults who remember the days they spent together as siblings. Appreciating that short season of their life when they built memories together. No one else... just them. 

I believe this is a gift.